YOU MAY WANT TO SKIP THIS RANT

Recently a well respected craft site teamed with an indie yarn seller to host a series of name-the-yarn contests. I entered and kept my eyes peeled for the results on the contest site.

I happened to go to the yarn website to look at their yarns (which are lovely, exotic and reasonably priced, but don't ever expect me to plug this seller), and found that she'd chosen names from the suggestions submitted to the craft site, including one of mine. I'd never been contacted, nor was there a request to contact her there.

Whenever I've had a naming contest win - this is my fifth or sixth - I've been contacted first by email, or nearly simultaneously with having something posted. Never before has a business just taken my suggestion and started using it without contacting me.

The yarn description read, in part, "Well someone with the posting name of Kitten With a Whiplash has won the naming contest... She said it reminded her..." and so on.

Now, screen names have been around long enough that anyone should know they are considered as a real name. You can offer a compliment, "I like your handle!", that's cool. But a phrase like " well someone with the posting name of" is a dis, used to show disapproval of the name, or the practice of posting with a screen name.

The assumption that every Kitten must be a female should have been dispelled early on in a biology class. Although this would not have been covered in biology class, not all knitters are female either. Though I've mentioned it often, here and elsewhere, not everyone knows that I'm a guy and some assume I'm a woman. I sometimes just let it pass, if I'm not expecting any further interaction with someone, but this would be up there as long as the yarn was offered in that color.

I waited a full day for some sort of contact, then sent this email (I gotta start using spellcheck!) All names except my own are replaced with asterisks:

Hello, I am Kitten With A Whiplash, not "someone with the posting name of" Kitten With a Whiplash, a phrase which reads as heavily disapproving of the use of screen names. Screen names are a long-standing fact of the internet, and it is considered proper netiquette to simpy treat a screen name as if it were the person's real name, not to call them "someone with the posting name of".

I am also a man, therefore "HE, not she, said it reminded HIM, not her,".

The assumption you made about my gender might have been avoided had eitehr you or **** bothered to contact me with a "Congratulations" or "Thanks for the suggestion" or even "We're going to call you 'someone with the posting name of' Kitten With a Whiplash, are you a boy or a girl?"

Aside from those issues, I'm glad you liked the name, and I'll be looking for the correction on your website.

Not my usual suave style, and perhaps I'm overly used to my snarks being accepted as humor, but I was upset. The response I got was:

Sorry for any offense you took. I thought about if you were male or female but please be kind to understand that I am a one woman business and I try to make this a fun thing to do but I also have so many hours in a day. So since 99% of my customers are female I just went with female. In no way am I disapproving of using screen names.

Thanks
*****


She'd actually thought I might be male but what? In the interest of making it fun, rather than using some of her limited supply of hours just to think up non-gender specific phrasing, she opts for the quick answer and goes for female. Ok, I was willing to let this pass until...

I checked the yarn website for the correction, and found instead that the yarn had been renamed and all reference to me was deleted. Yep, she'd gathered up her marbles and went away home to sulk. I'd dared to call her to account, so she won't play with me anymore. No winsies for The Kitten, he plays too rough.

Of course she hadn't mentioned it in her email, just signed off with "Thanks, *****". I hadn't been notified about winning the contest, so why bother telling me that she was pulling out after the fact? Perhaps this kind of childish behavior is so commonplace with her that she doesn't feel it needs to be explained. Perhaps everyone around her is so used to it that it never does need to be explained.

My next email:

I understand that there are 24 hours in everyone's day, and for most people that is time enough to be courteous.

I was a little surprised that you still hadn't thanked me for the suggestion, or congratulated me for winning the contest, until I checked your website. I see the name has been changed, and ALL reference to me has been deleted, so you must have decided that I am not the winner of the name the yarn contest after all? Tell me, what prize have I forfieted now that you've had your little snit? It will make an interesting post on my blog.

I also contacted the craft site, but given their size, I wouldn't expect a reply from them in less than two days. By now I'm full out angry, and I wasn't expecting any reply from someone who'd reneg in such a cowardly fashion, . . but surprisingly I got this, which was worse than nothing:

I think this is a total misunderstanding. I emailed the blog post's author on ***** yesterday announcing the winners. I do not have access to your information through that blog so I didn't have a way yesterday to extend anything congratulatory or thanking you (and everyone else). Originally, since this is the first (and last) time we (**** and *****) did this I was simply waiting to hear back as to how to contact the winners. So, it was just a timing thing. I had no way of posting to the site in any grand way "hey kittenwithawhiplash, who are".

While I understand the male/female thing, and I'm sorry, I had no way of contacting you at all... I'm at the mercy of the schedules of the folks who run *****.com and since I gave them the names at ***** yesterday I was just going to wait until the end of the week.

As for the screenname usage, I didn't see anything wrong with telling people that it was a screen name so it's clear to them. It's just how I write.

I in no way had a "snit" and I regret you feel that way. You were pretty rude and you hurt my feelings over a timing issue and simple and very innocent assumption of sex. I don't have a thick skin and I have never had anyone write me an email so strongly worded like that before...ever. So I don't want to be reminded of this incident every time I pack an order with "***** named by kittenwithawhiplash" when someone orders a color. So, I regret that I'm not going to use your entry.

I'm in trouble here - I've gone from someone with the posting name of Kitten With a Whiplash to kittenwithawhiplash - all lower case and no spaces. Good thing I'm thick skinned.

No way to contact us? Take a chance on leaving comments at the original contest posts. A couple folks had linked their comments to their blogs - leave comments there. While you're posting the new names on your yarn pages - ask people to contact you. Or just wait until you've gotten the email addresses and settled everything professionally.

She had to make it clear that Kitten With A Whiplash is a screen name? Does that even ring true to you? Would you say I like that song by the singer with the stage name Lady GaGa, just to make it clear?

Her thin skin couldn't take the wording of my email, yet the site mentions her ROTC and active military service. I can't believe my email was rougher than boot camp!

Because her feelings were hurt she feels justified in having her business back out of its commitment. This is petty, immature behavior, showing a lack of business acumen or professionalism, and not having the integrity to honor one's word once given.

You see the kind of person I'm dealing with: she was misunderstood, she has a writing style, she had a timing issue which was someone else's fault, and made a simple and very innocent assumption; while I was rude and hurt her feelings. Lots of excuses for her actions and no tolerance of others. Anyone want to tell me what age group this sounds like? I'm thinking single digits.

My last email:

I honestly didn't expect another response from you, so I contacted **** directly to see what they had to say about notifying people. No doubt it will take a couple days for them to get back to me.

As for not having a way to thank or congratulate the winners - it would have been very natural in the paragraph you put up on the yarn pages.

When unsure about a person's gender, use phrases that don't require gender specific words.

Exactly who you thought would be unclear about Kitten With A Whiplash being a screen name is a mystery to me.

Having a thin skin and backing out of commitments because your feelings are hurt are not practices that will help you or your business. I don't feel I was rude at all considering your breaches of etiquette. Even if had been, upset people are a reality of conducting business that can be dealt with in a professional manner - your vindictive retaliaton falls pretty close to the definition of a snit. If your hurt feelings are to be a post-facto criterion and and excuse for stripping me of my win, that speaks volumes about you and your business.

I'm sorry that a name you liked has been ruined for you, I'm sorry that the mere thought of me distesses you. I'm glad you've found another name from the list of comments that you like as well.

It's been several hours and I haven't gotten another response. But someone within about ten miles of the yarn company's address has googled me and been by to check out my blog - twice. They were just a bit too early.


ETA: I've responded to the comments I've received so far, thanks everyone for your support, gentle chiding, wisdom and just for hanging around an old curmudgeon like me! The craft site responded to my email today with an apology.